Do you care too much about others opinions of your success?
Do you find yourself bound to other’s opinions of you? It’s very common to care about what other people think of us, especially if we were nurtured to prioritize other’s emotions and well being before our own. This can be a form of people pleasing.
Now, people pleasing can look different on everyone. One way it can show up in our lives is trying to please others by looking for validation for our success and career choices.
More often we care to prove our success to others when it's outward focused and we are not confident in who we are or what we are doing. Many times we were also conditioned to believe success looks a certain way that deep down is disconnected from what we desire.
When you find what true success is for you, you won't apologize for moving in your purpose.
Look, I’ve been there myself. As I’ve shared before, being an artist, I cared too much about other’s thoughts of my success.
I doubted if being a freelance artist was enough and what would other’s think if I did not join a major dance company or if it looked like my other passions (i.e. fitness) were taking over from dance.
This caused me to unhealthily compete with other's who had the success I thought I was suppose to have. I realized I was disconnected from my purpose and happiness.
So, what does success mean to you?
When was the last time that you took a moment to define success for yourself. Success can mean whatever definition you give it, and chances are you are more likely to connect with it when it comes from within.
If you’ve been feeling a sense of dissonance and unhappiness, you may be following someone else’s definition of success that does not actually align with what you desire. It’s natural for other peoples’ opinions to matter when you are disconnected from what you want.
For example, maybe your parents or family conditioned you to believe that success meant working up the ladder in Corporate America. Let’s say you followed suit but inside there’s an internal struggle because you cannot stand working in a cubicle. Nonetheless, you want to make your family proud and at every given moment you try to share your accomplishments to get their praise.
Are you truly satisfied? Does sharing these accomplishments actually bring you joy?
It may not, but for much of your life you prioritized someone else’s definition of success before your own. (Plug in your own example if Corporate America does not resonate).
Release the need to please others if it comes at a cost of your own happiness and fulfillment. You are worthy of being happy and in full alignment with your career. The people who truly care about you will support a career that is in alignment with what you desire.
“Move from the inside out. Connect to your true desires and trust that it’s more than enough. People may not understand what you’re doing and that’s ok. Not everyone will understand the mission placed in your heart, but those that support you will undeniably be along for the ride.”
My biggest goal for you is to release your old vision of success if it no longer serves you. Break free from the fear of disappointing those who don't understand where you are heading. Be curious about what truly excites you and welcome in change and growth. The new cannot come in if the old is still taking up space.
Now remember, there’s a difference between desiring support and wanting approval. We're human and connection is integral to our beings, so wanting support is natural. But support does not look like validation.
Exercise: Write down the answers to these questions. What’s holding you back from going after what you truly want? What and who (if anyone) comes to mind? What about this and them is holding you back? Why are their opinions so important to you? What is it costing you to prioritize their opinions over your desires?
Self-reflection is incredibly powerful. So if you are struggling with this take a moment to jot some things down for yourself. We are always works in progress and the curiosity you’re experiencing now can change the trajectory of your life. I support you! Now go be unapologetically yourself!
